Wholly Babble

It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world:

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came onto in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone." It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was by profession, a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

Writing Advice

Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Don't use contractions in formal writing, and don't use no double negatives. It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms. Proofread carefully to see if you words out or incorect speling. It has come to our considered attention that in a large majority of cases, far too many people use a great deal more words than is absolutely necessary when engaged in the practice of writing sentences. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of redundant repetition can be stamped out and removed by rereading and editing.

A writer must not shift your point of view. If the writer is considerate of the reader, he won't have a problem with ambiguous sentences. Don't write a run-on sentence its hard to read you must punctuate it. If a dependent clause precedes an independent clause put a comma after the dependent clause. But avoid commas, that are not necessary, and don't overuse exclamation marks!!! Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't. Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. In particular, do not use apostrophe's for plural's. In statements involving two word phrases,make an all out effort to use hyphens, but make sure you hyp-
henate properly.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. Always pick on the correct idiom. Avoid colloquial stuff, and trendy locutions that sound flaky. Also, avoid all awkward or affected alliteration. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity, and avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shortened ones are sufficient. Avoidification of neologisms strengthenifies your prosification. It is not resultful to transform one part of speech into another by prefixing, suffixing, or other alterings. Perform a functional iterative analysis on your work to root out third generation transitional buzz words. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck into the language. The de facto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain English in your written tete-a-tetes makes the sentence harder to understand.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. One will not have needed the future perfect tense in one's entire life. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. Write all adverbial forms correct. Don't verb nouns. Verbs has to agree with their subjects, and the adverb always follows the verb. This sentence no verb. Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause. A preposition is something you should never end a sentence with. And don't start a sentence
with a conjunction.

Last but not least, avoid dyed-in-the-wool cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients:

1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 450K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Nightmare

I had a dream last night that I was back in college and I forgot to turn in the last assignment, rushing to finish it the last day, and the instructor insisted that I turn it in on a FLOPPY DISK, and I’m wondering, where the heck is my FLOPPY DISK drive that I can attach to my Mac and how long is it going to take, those things are so slow, and will my project even FIT on a floppy disk, and ARGGH!!!

What programming language should I learn next?

The latest programming language rankings came out last month, and the most popular languages have not changed much since last time, nor have they changed much over several years.

When I think about learning a new programming language, I think about several things:

• How easy is this language to learn?
• How will I learn the language? In a community college class, online tutorials, or just study the manual?
• What can I use this language for?
• What tools does this language require? Can I install it on my computer?

Here is a summary of this information for the most popular programming languages.

Language	Difficulty	Used for	Learn at
JavaScript	Easy	Web client	College
Java	Medium	General purpose, Android	College
PHP	Easy	Web server	College
Python	Easy	General purpose, scripting, QA, IT	College
C#	Difficult	Windows	College
C++	Difficult	General purpose, embedded	College
Ruby	Easy	Web server, scripting, QA, IT	Online
CSS	Easy	Web styles	College
C	Easy	General purpose, embedded	College
Objective-C	Difficult	Mac and iOS	College

These languages have a ranking from 1 to 10, but the fact is, they are all very popular languages and no one language is used a lot more than any other language on the list.

JavaScript is used on more than 90 percent of all web pages worldwide. You can use JavaScript to create animations, validate web forms, create web applications that run on data, and exchange data in the background with a server. JavaScript is a very easy language to learn, and you can learn it at almost any community college.

Java is a general purpose language that is used in many embedded systems. Embedded systems are things we don't typically think of as computers, like set-top boxes and electric meters. But Java is probably most famous for programming Android apps. Java is not too easy to learn, but it is not super hard either. You can learn it at most community colleges and some universities.

PHP is used to create web servers that can access SQL databases. It is the most widely used web server language, being the language of choice for about 70 percent of web sites worldwide. It is easy to learn. You can take a class at several community colleges.

Python is one of the easiest languages to learn. It is used a lot for IT scripting. You can learn it at many community colleges.

C# is used to program Windows and Windows Phone applications in the .NET framework. It is a hard language to learn. Some community colleges offer classes.

C++ is an older general purpose language. It is used a lot for embedded systems programming (see above). C++ is hard to learn. Many community colleges offer classes, and some universities.

Ruby is an easy scripting language. It is used in many of the same applications as Python, but the Ruby on Rails framework lets you set up a web server quickly without having to learn PHP and Apache. For that reason, a lot of startup companies use it to quickly set up their web sites. But later, they will switch back over to PHP for the long term. Ruby is one of the few languges that is rarely offered as a college class. You'll have to buy a book or take an online tutorial. Ruby is an easy language to learn, but setting up Ruby on Rails is difficult.

CSS is the language for making web site styles. I'm surprised it is on this list. It is important for making web sites, but it is not a true programming language. You can learn CSS as a part of most HTML classes in college.

C is an older version of C++ that is not object oriented. It is a very fast and powerful language, easy to learn, but also dangerous. It has many features that only experienced programmers should use, but beginners try it anyway. It is mostly used in embedded systems that must work very quickly, "in real time." You can learn C as a part of a C++ class in college.

Objective-C is the language for writing Mac and iOS apps in Xcode. Until two years ago, it was the only option for writing Apple apps, which explains its wide use. Some colleges offer Objective-C classes, but most colleges are switching over to the newer Swift language. You can find a Stanford class in Objective-C and Swift online, but they expect you to be a smart Stanford student.

What about other languages?

Swift is Apple's replacement for Objective-C. It is much easier to learn than Objective-C. But Swift hasn't yet caught up with Objective-C because it has some idiosyncrasies and it is missing a few features. Also, programmers have been using Objective-C for many years, but Swift has not been available that long yet.

SQL, particularly MySQL, is not on this list but it ought to be. MySQL is a language for accessing the most common form of database. It is used a lot with PHP. So it ought to rank up there almost as high as PHP. The reason it is missing from this list is because of the way the data was gathered.

Perl is a popular language that has been losing ground to Python and Ruby, because they all do similar things but Python and Ruby are much easier than Perl.

Go (or Golang) is a new language from Google that is easy to use, but hasn't really found its niche yet.

Groovy is a new language that combines the best of Java and the scripting languages like Python. It uses Java syntax, but it can be run as a script without needing a Java compiler.

St. Paddy's Day

My dear Aunt Roe had a *big* cat she named Patrick. We liked to call him Paddy. She always said, "Don't call him Patty, that is a girl's name!" I bet there are a number of fine Irish lads who'd beg to differ.

The Software Development Process

Requirements

It starts with the customer telling you what they want in the software project. The customer might be a paying customer. Or it might be another department within your company, your boss, or the instructor in your class.

It is important that the customer, whoever they are, tell you clearly what they are looking for. The main avenue for communicating this information is the requirements document. This is a written formal document that lists everything the customer is looking for.

The communication of the requirements document is usually followed up with a face-to-face meeting to settle details and verify there are no misunderstandings.

Specification

You or your company will then reply to the requirements document with another document called the specification. The specification will list all the details about how you will accomplish the customer's requirements. The specification will usually be created with conferences and meetings, because it must be detailed and specific; it is rare that one single person knows all the details about design, coding, testing, pricing, customer contact, and so on. Those functions are usually split up among different departments. So the specification document may require a bit of coordination.

The customer will then review the specification and sign off on it once they believe it sufficiently handles all the details they require.

Coding

Of course, someone must code the customer's final product. Traditionally, coding does not start until the specification document has been signed off. In the modern world of technology, this rarely works. Instead of proceeding neatly from step to step in this process, we frequently work together on all steps at the same time. All modern companies like Google and Facebook work this way. You can tell if you are looking at an older or more traditional company because they want you to know about SDLC or Software Development Life Cycle. You can tell if you are looking at a more modern company because they are looking for things like Agile.

In Agile programming, there may be a lot of back-and-forth between requirements, specification, and coding. Because of this, the requirements may change while you are in the process of coding. So you have to be ready to change plans at a moment's notice without complaining. This is why the process is called Agile (able to change direction quickly).

Testing

Every software product must be tested. Larger companies usually devote whole departments to nothing but testing. This is an important part of the software process. Without it, you may release a product that has bugs, and this will give you a bad reputation. If your product is not fully tested, it may get bad reviews in the iTunes store (or Google Play) and other potential buyers may decide not to try it.

Maintenance

This can easily be the longest part of the software process, because maintenance can last many years. Every time Apple changes Swift or Xcode, or the libraries, or a new product comes out (iPad Ginormous?), you may have to change things in your code. Also, buyers will report bugs in your code, and request new features.

So it is important that you write your code clearly, with comments, so next year, when you are trying to fix a bug, you can remember how your own code works. You'd be surprised how easy it is to forget what you were doing after you've not looked at your code for a while.

Acyrologia

My peaceful tree

I hope we can code this scene in my high school class next week. This version is SVG. We can convert it to HTML5, then finally create a Swift app.

Reno Erat Rudolphus: Christmas CD 2013

This one has classical, pop, techno, piano, children, and even bluegrass.

Nicolaus Esterhazy Sinfonia	1	The Virgin Mary Had A Baby Boy
Andy Williams	2	Kay Thompson's Jingle Bells
Golden Guitar Project	3	White Christmas
DJ Santa Claus	4	Silent Night
Nicolas Spencer	5	My Favorite Things/Carol of the Bells
Straight No Chaser	6	12 Days of Christmas
Jack Jezzro	7	Deck the Halls
Nicolaus Esterhazy Sinfonia	8	Carol of the Bells
Stephen Miller	9	O Come O Come Emmanuel
Nicolas Spencer	10	The First Noel
The Clarke Family	11	Angels We Have Heard On High
The Cedarmont Kids	12	The Virgin Mary Had A Baby Boy
Nicolas Spencer	13	Thou Didst Leave Thy Throne
Simhah Chamber Collegium	14	Angels We Have Heard On High
Ray Conniff	15	The Little Drummer Boy
James Beuregard and Keri Taylor	16	I Cannot Tell
Jason Gray	17	Easier (Song of the Wisemen)
James Beuregard and Keri Taylor	18	Infant Holy, Infant Lowly
Nicolas Spencer	19	Brahms Lullaby