San Jose - Tuesday October 12, 2004
Milpitas resident Mark "Mixed-Up" Brautigam fell from his bicycle Tuesday near the DMV office in Willow Glen, and was whisked by paramedics to San Jose Hospital for treatment of a hip fracture.
After falling, the intrepid cyclist first called his wife Mary, then called 911, and was able to make one last quick call to Calvary Chapel San Jose before his cell phone battery gave up the ghost. At CCSJ, Mr. Brautigam contacted Kathy Acomb, who immediately organized a prayer watch for the weekly Tuesday evening men's and women's bible studies.
After hauling himself to the sidewalk, but unable to stand, Mr. Brautigam ventured back into the street to retrieve his bicycle, which was hindering traffic. The blocked SUV was driven by a soccer mom, who didn't bother to call 911 because she was late for practice.
Regarding the injured cyclist, Willow Glen merchant E. B. White said, "He's a doofus." Local resident Charles Parham said "He's always been a klutz." Pastor Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel
was reported to have said, "These older guys just have to realize they can't do these tricks forever. At some point they have to make way for the younger folks to take over." Elderly resident Joseph Smith said, "These crazy guys just barrel through here like a bat out of a deep place, knocking everyone else over. He deserved what he got."
The 48 year old Mr. Brautigam, who was going over 2 MPH at the time of the fall, said, "Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Paramedics said the cyclist's injuries looked like bruises but no broken bones. But they took Mr. Brautigam to the San Jose Hospital emergency room, where x-rays revealed a fracture in the neck of
the femur. Surgery commenced at 7:00 pm. After being administered a spinal injection, Mr. Brautigam's next words were reportedly "Ow! Ow! Ow!" as surgeons began to slice into the hip muscle. In response to this unforeseen circumstance and the patient's constant humorous chatting with the operating room staff, the doctors administered general anesthesia in order to shut him up.
The patient emerged two and a half hours later with enough titanium in his hip to trip every airport security system between here and Toronto.
Recent word from Hollywood is that Mr. Brautigam's nude scenes on "ER" were left on the cutting room floor. Fortunate indeed.
This response from Paul Gaboury:
Hey Mark that sounds like a horrible and painful accident. When I was 65 my dad advised me i was too old to do my lifestyle and slow down. Not knowing how old you are am unable offer clinical advice. At 75 I retired from hockey when had hip replacement but that was a piece of cake and no pain whatsoever. At 81 quit skiing as couldn't balance--for instance today at 89 walked into a door opening, scraped off a typical elbow scab and bled all over looking for bandaids. Have quit my golf club and square dancing but Dale and I enthused over ballroom dancing--class lessons twice a week, and we go to black tie supper dances once a month.
So think about it. Maybe you should sell your bike on ebay and concentrate on your dancing. Somewhat safer.
Say hi to Mary for us.
Paul
Mark says:
Paul, thanks for the best chuckle I've had all week!
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