Humor 2012

People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow. – 12/20/12

Everything is easier said than done. Except talking. That's about the same.

Today is a day for firm decisions! Or is it?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

BREAKING: Apple Maps projecting Barack Obama to win Brazil.

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.” – Theodore Roosevelt

The real question of government versus private enterprise is argued on too philosophical and abstract a basis. Theoretically, planning may be good. But nobody has ever figured out the cause of government stupidity—and until they do (and find the cure), all ideal plans will fall into quicksand. – Richard Feynman

The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter. – Winston Churchill

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. – H. L. Mencken

"Son, when Lincoln was your age, he was studying by firelight."
"Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was President."

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. – David Pogue

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. – David Pogue

I know a guy with an addiction to brake fluid. He says he could stop any time.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Emo Philips

***I HATE MOOD SWINGS!!*** They're awesome, though.

How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? –  David Pogue

I'd love to go to Holland someday. Wooden shoe?

If you're going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. – David Pogue

The word for today is "Paraskevidekatriaphobia." – Friday, January 13

Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?