Goblins On The Doorstep

Two very scary characters approach my door.

"Trick or trick!"

Isn't it a little late? Halloween was two days ago!

"It's never too late until the polls close. Trick or trick!"

Shouldn't that be "trick or treat"?

"I'm here for treats, but he just wants to trick you."
"No, he wants to trick you. Don't listen to him."

You guys come around every four years looking for treats.

"Don't give anything to him. He'll spend it all on pork in other districts."
"Don't give anything to him. He'll spend it on military conquests in other countries."

Those definitely sound like tricks.

"I'll make sure you can get health insurance when you get laid off and go looking for work at Wal*Mart."
"No, he'll make sure that when your job goes overseas, you won't even be able to get work at Wal*Mart."

So, what's the good news?

"He'll destroy our military superiority."
"He'll start drafting you and your children."

Now you're starting to scare me!

"He'll take away your guns."
"He'll teach you all about guns in boot camp!"

Ack!

"He'll make sure you never see your social security."
"He'll make sure you pay twice as much for social security as you'll ever see."

Go away!

"He'll kill all your unborn babies."
"He'll kill all your teenagers in foreign wars."

Aieee! They're even scarier than last time! Honey! Give them, something, anything, just get rid of them!

"He he he."
"We're gettin' a boatload of loot this time."
"I wonder if mom will let us eat it all tonight?"