Monday, June 13, 2005

Michael Jackson to take up square dancing

By Tennessee "Arkie Okie" Slim, Disassociated Press

SANTA MARIA, Calif. - After a jury acquitted Michael Jackson of all charges on Monday, the embattled entertainer announced that he now intends to take up square dancing as a hobby. Experts have always affirmed that square dancing is a great stress reliever. Jackson spent several days over the last two weeks in emergency rooms with various stress-related ailments.

"I heard that when you go out square dancing, you can take four different people home in just ten minutes," Jackson said, a practice he described as "sweet and not at all sexual."

Screams of joy rang out among a throng of fans outside the courthouse. Fans  jumped up and down, hugged each other and threw confetti in celebration of the news.

Some have described Jackson as a humanitarian who wanted to protect kids and give them the life he never had while growing up as a child star. By joining a local central California family square dance club, the "Blue Tail Flies," Jackson hopes to continue being a positive influence on children.

Jackson decided to take part in square dancing because he hoped it would help his image after years of eccentric behavior that included transforming his face through plastic surgery. But not all agreed this would have the intended effect.

Santa Barbara County District Attorney Tom Sneddon sat with his head in his hands. "Square dancing
has always attracted its share of weirdos, and Michael Jackson certainly fits  right in."

The singer's record label, Epic, has not indicated whether Jackson will record a country album.




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