Schwarzenegger asks for special election in support of support square dancing

By Jerry Manders, Disassociated Press Sacramento Bureau

SACRAMENTO - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger went on television statewide Monday to call a rare special election Nov. 8 and ask voters to stop the scourge of gerry-allemanding that has plagued the state for decades.

Gerry-allemanding is a form of redistricting that attempts to put certain undesirables such as square dancers, boy scouts, and Baptists together in the same electoral districts, while putting other undesirables such as movie stars, lawyers, and Congregationalists in other districts.

This ensures that certain districts are easily won by candidates of the Moral Retards party, while other districts are easily won by the Holier Than Thou party. The end result is that incumbent candidates retain their offices indefinitely, or until three strikes or term limits bar them from office.

Square dancers have long complained that gerry-allemanding puts them in districts where the local schools would rather rent space to anti-war demonstrators, drag queens, and tree huggers than to the local square dance club, which would like to put on a wholesome dance.

For example, Stanford Quads, a decidedly left-handed club, has always had difficultly finding a place to dance in a right-wing district.

By outlawing the plague of gerry-allemanding, Schwarzenegger hopes to give square dancers, ham radio operators, and gun owners much more freedom to practice their crazy hobbies.